Jennifer

Jennifer In Irving, Texas

Let us talk of penis. What an absolute shame that something that brings such fulfilling pleasure has to be so bona fide hideous to look at. Your thoughts, honey?

And you think your lady bits will one day win Best In Show? Try being a guy having to stare deep into the depths of something  that looks like a fat wad of chewed-up bubble gum. Then we can talk.

Aaron

Aaron in West Bloomfield, Michigan

How many girls have you slept with?

The fun is not in how many females Donnie has slept with, but rather how many females WANT to sleep with Donnie, yet get denied. At this point, that number has to be in the millions... give or take a hussy.

Cathy

Cathy In Mountian View, California

Not sure if this is a good place to ask this but I get a kick out of making boys blush so here it goes, my boyfriend is too small to satisfy me. I can never feel anything at all! How do I break it to him? Should I just buy him some pills or a pump for our anniversary?

First off, Donnie is not a boy. He's all man. Second, if "blush" is secret code for "vomit violently", then I'm sure you get that reaction from men a lot. Look, Donnie is willing to bet the problem isn't your man. It's you. Even a mighty oak appears small when it's growing in the bottom of the Grand Canyon. If you can't feel anything, it's probably because your "tour bus" had a big, fat, floppy blow-out. Try making it smaller. Go squeeze a lemon on it, Sascrotch.